Monkey on my Back

Warning: Snarky Post Ahead

Photo credit: Sandi Heinrich Photography

No, not this little monkey. Oi, the Health Department (sorry Sabina, not personal). Just a little rant because I think this is dumb. First of all, they HAVE to OBSERVE me give Ashi his meds EVERYDAY. Okay, fine. So the nurse comes at 8 or 8:30 every morning, crushes some pills, and watches me put half of them in a bottle. I sign the paper, and she leaves. Your tax dollars hard at work here! The "doctor", who I have never met (previews of single-payer, government run, health care I'm tellin' you) makes all the decisions, and the nurse basically transmits the info over to me. Lots o' fun.

Remember the stomach aspiration procedure? Who could forget? Well no TB was found in the mucus. So that's good news, right? Oh no. That means we can't rule out any medications, we must assume he has Multi-Drug Resistant TB, and he has to keep taking all four drugs everyday. These drugs of course make him poop like a newborn on steroids too. Lots o'fun.

Then, he loses two pounds in the last two weeks. Which the doctor (who has never laid eyes on him remember) thinks is very serious. Oooh, he must be succumbing to the TB (gag). Uh huh, this child eats like a linebacker, sleeps 11 hours at night, and runs around all day long with his big 'ol pot belly hanging out (did I mention he doesn't even cough?). Yes, he must be deathly ill. Blech. The actual pediatrician, who actually examines him (novel idea), thinks he's fine. Because, maybe having diarrhea 8 times a day is making it a little hard to keep the weight on.

In the meantime, the Health Department is getting together a web cam system, so they can "observe" his medication intake without intruding on our home everyday. Yep, I feel so much less violated, thanks. Because they absolutely MUST watch him take it. Well, now that his "seclusion" is over they don't have to observe him take it on the weekends, just Monday-Friday excluding Federal and State holidays. Puh-leaze! So what if we go out of town sometime in the next 6-9 months? All this because I apparently can't be trusted to remember to give him his meds everyday. Nope, I couldn't possibly remember that. I mean, I can qualify to adopt a child, but obviously not to care for one.

Today is Saturday by the way. Someone forgot to drop off our weekend meds yesterday, or are we skipping the weekends? Hmm. (He's on the "daily" regimen, not the 2x weekly one BTW for all you medical personnel out there) We were up and ready at 8am when it occurred to me that meds hadn't been left Friday. I guess it's okay to skip two day's meds, as long as they can watch him get them during the work week. Yep, let's just medicate him on workdays, that sounds good. I'm sure that is the latest greatest treatment protocol. Because the mother can't be trusted and Uncle Sam is the one paying the doctor. I feel good about that. Really good.

Disclaimer: This post and the opinions expressed herein have nothing to do with any individual staff members at the Health Department. I realize they do not establish these regulations, they merely follow them because that is their job. So don't go causing more trouble for me.